Friday 20 August 2010

Carrying Your Worship



Have you ever gone to a new church and decided not to go back either because you didn't like the message or the choir, or maybe an usher (those mean people that never let us sit where we want to)? I'm sure most of us have. One thing that draws me to a church is the choir, give me a good choir and I'm sold.

For a long time I struggled with my identity as a Christian, who I was supposed to be in the house of God. Some were pastors, prophets, healers, prayer warriors and for a long time I struggled to find my niche. As a child I had been in the choir, drama, dance group and in uni had a short stint as an usher. As i grew older and spiritually I began to feel as though the fact that it was so hard to put myself in one place meant that I wasn't 'there' yet, and I continued to struggle. Many times people would ask if i had received the Spirit and i wouldn't know what to say. Anytime i spoke in tongues i felt like a fraud so i decided not to. When we'd be asked to pray in the spirit I would piously pray in English. I wasn't going to deceive myself so i didn't bother.

I had my epiphany about 4 years ago. My Dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and was scheduled to have his operation soon, he was in a bad shape and each morning I would wake up and look at him certain that it would be the last time I'd see him. I'd pray and then tell myself to prepare for the worst. Then one afternoon after i left the hospital it hit me that i wasn't ready to let my Dad go no matter what and I knew I had to tell God that. So I got home, locked myself in my room and settled down to pray, I knelt down and found that words failed me. I didn't know what to say, I just kept crying and saying "please God, please'. Then I started to sing worship songs. I told God he was awesome, He was magnificent, He was great, mighty and song after song they kept coming. I was crying and singing and I could feel myself being elevated into this place that I cannot describe. Suddenly I felt like I was the only one in the world, everything else seemed to fade away and there was this core I needed to pour myself into. I cried till I felt like I was dry inside and suddenly I felt like something was being pulled out of me. I began to hear this voice, a strange guttural sound speaking a language I did not understand and it took me a moment to realise it was coming from me. I couldn't stop it, I dont know how long I laid there on the floor because after a while i fell asleep.

I woke up and suddenly everything felt different, I felt lighter. I smiled through the rest of the day because more than ever I was so certain that God understood how I felt and it had taken a language I did not understand to let Him know and it had taken true worship to get me to speak in a language I did not understand. That was when I knew who I was in the kingdom of God. I was a worshipper, I was the one who told Him that I knew who He was and how happy I was to know Him the way I did. Identifying who I was was a big step for me because when things got hard I knew what I had to do.

One pastor said something that was so profound, he was telling us about when he went to a Haitian church, he said they worshipped in their language and yet he was blessed because he had carried his worship there. When they worshipped as they knew how, he worshipped as he did. This made me realize something very important, a lot of Christians go to church to take while they are not prepared to give anything back. Let me explain, we carry all our problems, all our desires and march them to church expecting a quick fix, and if the pastor or choir fails to ‘deliver’ then ‘oh it’s a bad church, that pastor cant preach, the choir cant sing’. I know this because I have been guilty of it. If Christ is in us and we are the church, we go to church not only to partake but to give back, we have to carry our worship, our own praise and not to expect someone to do it for us. Worship is so important to me because it helps me to magnify God and set my focus a hundred percent on Him, it makes me receptive, open to hear from Him. It does things for me that are difficult to put into words and since I know how important it is to me I carry my worship with me wherever I go, in the shower, on the bus, walking on the road.

If you’ve ever been in love then you’d understand what I mean, how  you feel when your partner says the right things to you, imagine if you could make God feel a fraction of what you felt. As much as God is omnipotent and beyond our understanding our relationship with Him is something within our grasp, something we have total control over. Use that power to your advantage, for your own good.

Nengidee

7 comments:

Unknown said...

Nengi, this is so beautiful. i'm taking a couple of lessons away with me from this peice and i'm definately carrying my worship to God with me evety where i go.
very insightful peice... really!

NengiDee said...

Thank you dear, appreciate your comment.

Eknoreda said...

"I'll give you more than a song, 'cos a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within, through the way things appear, your looking into my heart"

I learnt also that I had to go beyond the song into a place of worship. I found that most times I though the music and insturments were there to aid me, I sailed on them alone. I have grown now and I'm happy that I have learnt to bring my worship with me.

Thanks for this piece

NengiDee said...

You're welcome love.

That song rings so true for me, words without their meaning come to naught. Sometimes i simply say "Lord I love you" and i know without a doubt that He hears me and he knows i do.

Jennifer A. said...

I love the story of how you found your identity. So touching and beautiful. :)

NengiDee said...

Thanks Jaycee, Hope u'll be back soon.

Charrylove said...

I'm so inspired by this. I love how u painted worship soo beautifully. I also like that you mentioned when we go to church we're supposed to take our worship there,our praise and not expect someone to do it for us, that was so powerful.Your encounter with God that day you were praying for ur dad was so profound, i read it again & again, it was beautiful. Welldone. I hope ur dad is still living?