Monday 28 January 2013

When Love is not enough



If you asked me what love means, I wouldn't attempt an answer. It's one of those things that we cant seem to describe, right up there along with the meaning of life, and because it's so difficult to define it becomes easy to trivialize. It becomes easy to throw the word around without pausing to think about whether we mean it or not and even when we do the impact it has on the person to whom we are saying it. What has always bothered me is  how I can claim to feel something I do not understand. I love my family, that I know as sure as I know the sun is yellow but why do I love them? Is it because they love me? Was I conditioned to love them? Lord knows they aren't perfect, they do wrong and yet I love each and everyone of them. So why do I love them? Honestly, I don't know but I know that I cant stop.


The more I think about it one thing becomes clearer no matter how much i love or have loved, it isn't enough. I was in a relationship for a long time and at a point I was certain it could only end one way, I was in love, he loved me, I loved him, all roads lead to one destination, right? Wrong. That relationship ended and a number of people struggled to understand why, we loved each other and that was all that mattered, so what had happened? I had just one answer, love is not enough. Let me attempt an analogy, medical doctors have admitted that the will  to live plays a huge part in the recovery of a patient, patients with a stronger will to live were more likely to recover, however the doctors will not simply leave a patient to 'fight to live' without providing medical support. Get it now? What I'm trying to say is that it is not enough to love someone for everything to fall in place, love takes a lot of work. It is like a fickle flame that must be watched and fanned to be kept alive.


The greatest love of all is the 1st Corinthians 13 love, the agape love, the purest love.


"...love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."


Lets do a practical exercise here, if you're in love or love someone (not just romantically) raise your hand. Now take each of these attributes one by one and see whether they are reflected in this love that you feel. For instance, are you kind to this person? are you patient with them? Now how many of us have this kind of love for anyone? How many of us have this kind of love for God?


My hand went up the first time and for the second and third questions I had put it down. I don't love anyone with the kind of love described in Corinthians, I said I love my family but I am not always patient or kind to them, sometimes I am rude and I do keep record of wrongs. However the saddest part for me was realizing that even towards God I fall short in the kind of love I should have for Him. He asks me to wait and trust in Him but I am not always patient, He asks me to be kind to him by being kind to His manifestation on earth in the people around me, my prayer is not filled with songs of adoration, telling Him how much I love Him but of all the things I want from Him. Sometimes I don't trust that He can handle some things, some 'miracles' are just impossible. It broke my heart to realize that I was short-changing God on the kind of love I should have for Him and even more so when I know that He has the Corinthians kind of love for me. He is patient with me even when I am childish in His ways, He is so kind to me, blessing me with more than i deserve, He blots my transgressions and forgets my sins (Isaiah 43:25) He gave the blood of His son just to protect me, He trusts and perseveres, hoping that one day I will be all that He has called me to be.


I'm trying to make two important points here and the first is that the important thing is not conceptualizing what we feel or why we feel what we feel. The second thing is that even if we love the way we should, love is never enough. In our relationships love needs trust, it needs affirmation, sacrifice, patience, security and without these (and probably more) love tends to die out. With God, even if you stand on Kilimanjaro and declare your love for Him it means nothing if you cant do His will (John 14:15) Loving Him doesn't get you a free pass. He needs more than your love for Him, He needs your love for Him to drive your life, to propel you in all that you do, He needs it to be affirmed by your actions and just like the next person He needs you to tell Him as often as you can.
Tell Him you love Him, and when you're done tell someone  else you love them and really mean it!


I love you!


Nengidee